In a move that serves as a definitive warning against leaving the room during a committee meeting, I have somehow managed to get myself appointed as the captain of the Artichoke Hearts bar billiards team. I am still not entirely sure how the transition from “vaguely reliable middle-order player” to “fearless leader” occurred, but yet here we are.
It is quite a step for someone who honestly thought they had successfully navigated their way into a quiet retirement from the competitive green baize of bar billiards, indeed, I’ve written about that before. But it seems that the league has a way of pulling you back in just when you think you have escaped the pressure of a tricky final shot.
The fixtures have just landed with some promptness and the grace of a lead balloon, and they have not exactly eased me into the role. Our opening gambit is against one of the absolute titans of the division, the Black Stars, and, to add a layer of personal drama to the proceedings, our subsequent match is against the quite wonderful Serengeti led by Roy, who is perhaps the most gentlemanly person I’ve ever met. Having spent a couple of seasons playing for them, I now find myself in the awkward position of trying to outmanoeuvre my old teammates while pretending I don’t know all their tactical weaknesses. Although they know my many weaknesses, so all of this might not be useful.
Despite my own questionable leadership credentials, the Artichoke Hearts are actually really quite good by all accounts. I won’t go overboard here as we’re likely to come last in the league, so no point being overly optimistic. There is a genuine sense of fun that (generally) permeates this league, which is probably why I couldn’t stay away. The social side is of course inevitably compelling, especially with the news that the Red Lion in Coltishall has joined the league this year and we’re playing there in May. I am genuinely excited about the prospect of heading out there, but I don’t get out much.
Home games at the Artichoke are fairly straightforward affairs involving decent beer and a steady supply of Tayto crisps, which remain the undisputed king of the bar snack hierarchy I’ve recently decided, although I can be fickle with these things. It is going to be a long, unpredictable season, but at least the crisps and beer are likely to be good. What could possibly go wrong?