As my two loyal blog readers might have noticed, I’m in Skopje (well, I’m not now, I’m actually in Pret at London Luton Airport and it’s 03:50 in the morning) and so I couldn’t be at this bar billiards game. I’d note that writing this in an airport terminal with no sleep might add some bleak authenticity to arrangements….
But I was not concerned, Luke is a very competent vice-captain and I took the view that he’d likely run things with greater efficiency than me anyway. A win-win. Anyway, that means that these are Luke’s photos and so the commentary will be a little less rude than usual.
Someone had this. I approve as I like to see proper match preparation, especially when it involves a sensible refreshment strategy.
There’s something shifty going on here, a birthday cake for one of their team, I think that there’s a plan to make us feel guilty about beating someone on their birthday. Emotional manipulation and I’m wondering whether we should try that in a few future games. It actually got worse, it transpired that they claimed they had two birthdays. But, we took them on trust and we decided to throw the singles so that they could win and have a nice birthday party. But we decided we’d try hard in the doubles games. We are perhaps the most charitable team in the league.
Looks like a nice cake though. I am prepared to overlook quite a lot of sporting misconduct when sponge and icing are involved.
Terri treated herself to some Rolos, which were very deserved given that she was the only player (on our team obviously, loads of their team had winning singles games) who won her singles game.
The half time snacks. Very nice and look at those delicious Flumps. There is something deeply reassuring about a league where adults can gather around a bar billiards table and still recognise that a marshmallow-based snack has a role to play in elite sport.
Look at those doubles’ scores! Some impressive playing I hear, well done to everyone involved in getting those scores. And thanks to Luke the Lion for stepping in, he’s quite good really.
Well done to the Disasterfarians, I heard that they were a great team with loads of enthusiasm. Indeed, too much bloody enthusiasm. But happy birthday to Davide and Robin (Smith and Bones) on deploying the birthday strategy with such a devastating effect. And I’ll be back for the next match. I wrote that sounding positive, but it reads more like a threat…..
We had what could only be described as a sub-optimal match in the league last week where we lost 8-1. And next up was the top division team the King’s Head, so my aspiration was to try and not to lose 8-1 again. There’s nothing like a bit of optimism to start the night, so I focused on having a light and functional Schöfferhofer.
The Sublime from Floc, a tropical edge and a bit of citrus. There’s Luke the Lion practising in the background, we thought we’d get there early in the hope of only losing 7-2 if we upped our game from last week. Marginal gains and all that.
Then the draw with Graham from the King’s Head, we were ready to roll. I liked their cards which had their players on the other side.
I was drawn last in both the singles and doubles, the latter always gives the challenge of it potentially being the deciding match. This is the sort of pressure that elite athletes train for. I mostly cope by looking concerned, eating crisps and pretending that I have a plan.
Off we go, promptly losing the first match.
Kirsty pulled it back for us and the thought of losing 9-0 subsidised. This was positive as there are only so many character-building experiences one team should be expected to endure in two weeks.
The snacks then appeared. Some teams rely on coaching, tactics and psychological resilience. We rely quite heavily on crisps.
To cheer me up a bit, as we were losing 3-1 at this point, I went for the Peach Me Up from Woodland Brewing, a gentle and not overly tart sour which went well with the M&Ms.
Then PJ played a robust and confident game, which is exactly the sort of thing we needed, not least because some of us had already begun quietly calculating how bad the final score might look on paper. I decided to referee this one to distract me from doing too many of those calculations.
And then it was my game. Channelling everything that Zak and Nathan have taught me, or what I’ve learned when refereeing, my back cushion game actually worked, with 5 balls in the 100 pocket and 1 ball in the 200 pocket that I actually aimed for rather than just fell in by mistake. This was unusually decadent play for me and likely won’t be repeated all year….. And it was enough for it to be 3-3 at the end of the singles.
Luke the Lion treated me to a Flump for scoring over 1,000, which is precisely the sort of vice-captaincy that builds morale. He is definitely becoming the best vice-captain in the league, and I say this not just because he brings sweets, although that is clearly a major part of modern leadership.
Ivan came along to say nice things to me, although he disappointed me by telling me that the CAMRA coach trip I’m on with him on Friday night isn’t going to the Ber Strete Gates.
Kirsty and PJ had a dilemma towards the end of their game as Kirsty would need to get the ball into the 200 and then also hit the final ball in the 200. And she only went and bloody did it, one of the best doubles games that I’ve seen. Positively optimal. Then more delights came for our team, with Luke and Vaughan taking the pressure of Terri and myself by winning their doubles match.
We very nearly won the final game as Terri got the 200 final shot in, but the peg wobbled and fell over. But Ivan was the true star of the show, nearly collapsing the table while refereeing. I liked his style. Not necessarily in a safety-conscious way, but certainly in an entertainment sense.
And 5-4 in what was a great game, although quite stressful for me once again when it was close. The King’s Head are a lovely team and it was all very close. We were one of the first cup matches to be played, so it might be a while for the draw for the next round giving us plenty of time to become overconfident and then immediately regret it.
And my usual rule is that if we win, then I go to the King’s Head after the match which was particularly appropriate this evening. Thanks to PJ, Ivan and Julian for coming along, a very lovely night and many thanks to the King’s Head for a fun match.
Our fourth game was away to the Red Lion in Coltishall and they’re a new venue and a new team to the league. I’ve also never been to the pub before and I really liked going somewhere new, so I’m all in support of having more non-Norwich venues in the league. Or at least I was until we lost heavily, at which point my commitment to rural expansion became rather more nuanced.
Still, I suppose I had better write about it so I do not look like a bad loser, which is important because I am obviously a gracious and reflective loser, provided nobody mentions the score. Many thanks to Luke for getting me to the pub safely and nice and early, so we could have a proper look at their table and begin forming opinions that would later prove tactically irrelevant.
The table is up against the wall which is an interesting location in quite a large room, although I quite liked making shots whilst having a little sit down on the window ledge. Bar billiards is a sport of immense physical endurance, so it is important to conserve energy wherever possible, ideally before missing. Here’s Luke getting warmed up for the big event.
I had a practice with the final game shot and then had a sit down with a pint of ThreeOneSix from Grain Brewery. This was a fruity, hoppy and slightly toffee flavoured beer, all very agreeable.
Here’s Luke and a lion. Luke’s on the left.
The anticipation before the draw.
And the completed draw, what could possibly go wrong? We soon found out in the rather comprehensive way that someone might discover a roof leak during a thunderstorm.
PJ and Vaughan started us off and let’s just say that we lost the first two games.
The Red Lion kindly provided us with some free sandwiches and when they were placed down I pretended that I wasn’t desperate to start eating them. I waited for a reasonable period, I think around twelve seconds, and started in the hope that no-one noticed. I tested a lot of these on behalf of the team as leadership comes in many forms and this week it involved bread.
It was a friendly pub and they had three real ales available, with the two I tried being well-kept. This was a decent distraction during the controlled demolition process taking place in the bar billiards room.
The set-up requires some short cues….
My second beer was the Best Bitter from Grain, malty and good with my third helping of sandwiches.
Luke the Lion won his game, I didn’t doubt him. That brought it back to 3-1 and it was me up next against Jon. My normal tactic of getting to 1,000 was a success, indeed, I got 1,260. Unfortunately, Jon scored 1,710 so that tactic didn’t bring us to 3-2.
It’s evident that my enthusiasm towards this blog must have waned, this was my only other photo of the game. We lost quite a few of the games after Luke’s success. Well, actually, all of them. Bloody game….
Luke and I have no further statement to make and we will not be responding to any further media enquiries about the situation.
But back to the pub, which is a really quirky shape with lots of character across a couple of different levels. The staff were friendly and many thanks for the beer choices, the free sandwiches and the welcome. The Red Lion team led by Tom were also great fun and it was a very enjoyable evening out. Well, quite enjoyable, that score was sub-optimal.
But, from failure comes strong leadership and we hope to lose by less when we play the King’s Head next week in the cup.
With two of our regular team unable to make this week, we had a little bit of excitement to get a team together tonight for this third match. However, we were able to get six players together and the rest of the team spent the early evening practising whilst I focused on finding the best pairing of beer and bar snacks. I went for 0% Guinness and Squares, quite a classy little combination.
Look at the contemplation from Cal before the other team arrived…… We were in the zone. Well, I was eating crisps and was pre-stressed, but the others were more positive.
We have some dramatic photos of me in this post thanks to Cal, who was helpfully documenting matters. Here’s myself and my very capable vice-captain Luke as we did the draw. Thanks to Cal for the clipboard and for the printing as the not quite as capable team captain managed to forget to bring a score-sheet.
And here’s the draw.
I thought that I’d referee the first game which was with the first time league player Cal as I try to be helpful.
We had a lot of interesting table layouts during the evening. I didn’t doubt that Cal was good, but he was very calm and collected with an entirely competent performance. It transpired that his score was the highest singles score of the evening, so I’ve decided that we’ll keep him.
I felt that Cal’s victory meant that I should reward myself with more Squares. Leadership takes many forms.
The next game was with Vaughan and once again I was ignored when I said that I didn’t want any games going to the final ball as they’re too stressful for me. He won the game by just ten points on the final ball…..
PJ’s game went the same way, but the final ball result went our way, which meant that we were 3-0 ahead and I could put us 4-0 up if I was any bloody good.
Thanks to Cal, there are the occasional photos of me playing in this post. I don’t wish to talk about my game though. OK, perhaps I should…. It was very close throughout, but my opponent was very strong at the end and I lost by 990 points to 850. My usual strategy is to try and score 1,000 points and that would have been dead handy here. Had I scored another 150 points, the result would have been completely different. I intend to apply this insight to all my future sporting disappointments.
Cal getting ready to serve the meal of snacks. I had ensured that this was served after my game as I wanted something to look forwards to and to settle my nerves.
Hmmmm, Taytos…. Next up was Gabriel, who insisted on getting to the final shot despite it being made very clear by Luke and myself that this is very stressful for us. Gabriel didn’t make this one, but his game was solid and he was very close.
The final player in the singles was Luke and the game was again very close throughout, he lost by just 40 points. This all meant that we had gone from 3-0 ahead to 3-3, so thoughts of the Black Stars last week came to mind…
Gabriel started to teach various players some hand gestures, but I didn’t get involved with that. Whatever he was actually doing remains unclear to me and I doubt whether any of it is recognised by Sport England.
And then there were three games in the doubles. PJ and Cal surged to nearly 900 ahead, but then the brave players on the other team clawed it right back. But, PJ and Cal triumphed meaning that Luke and I could win the whole game if we just won our game. We didn’t, which made it 4-4 and which put all the pressure on Vaughan and Gabriel. Suddenly the room had the atmosphere of a courtroom waiting for a verdict, except with better crisps. But they surprised and delighted the Artichoke Hearts with a win, a punchy performance which once again went down to the final ball.
A very hard won set of games, but full credit to the Coach and Horses team for not only some very close games but also being a marvellous group of people. There is a real pleasure in playing a team who are both good company and good players, even if it does make winning rather harder than I personally prefer. Cal’s first league appearance was alarmingly competent, which is always a little unsettling when given that my strategy is to build a team culture around anxious improvisation.
I have a new rule that every time the team wins, I go to the King’s Head to celebrate. With no Julian sr, as he’s in Liverpool, it was Cal who was called upon to escort me to the pub. A more professional athlete might have gone home, stretched and hydrated, but I went to the pub and declared the evening a success, which is broadly the same thing. We only went for one, although I got muddled up and we stayed until the pub closed. This wasn’t my fault though, these things happen when a strict sporting recovery protocol is not properly supervised.
And I’d like to note that it’s a fine team, a great atmosphere throughout and it’s all very exciting. And stressful when every game goes down to the wire. Next game is in Coltishall in two weeks and I’ll pretend that everything is under control.
I’m enjoying this. Although I won’t show that of course.
I wouldn’t say that I was pre-annoyed when turning up at the Artichoke for our team’s second game, but I was certainly pre-stressed. We were playing the Black Stars and they have their own branded uniform and everything, so they’re evidently a force to be reckoned with and not just a bunch of accidental amateurs. So I thought that I’d calm my nerves with half a cider and an orange juice & lemonade, a drink combination that either suggested moderation or an imminent collapse.
And it was time for the draw and many thanks to Luke for arranging some tags for our team so that I don’t have to tear up little bits of paper. I’m not suggesting the little bits of paper made me look amateurish, but they did perhaps hint at an operation not yet fully entirely touched by modernity. I didn’t mind who I secured in the draw, but I just didn’t want Dave Brewer as he’s in the singles final on Saturday. I’m not saying the other players are inferior to Dave, but he has an aura of invincibility and it would be unlikely that I’d draw him.
And just bloody typical. Dave in the singles and doubles. But, it’s important to remain calm and I just didn’t want a repeat of last week against the Serengeti when three matches went down to the final ball, so I mentioned that we should avoid those situations.
The first game was Andrew against PJ and they ignored my instructions about the final ball, which was disappointing as I had delivered them in the tone of a man who absolutely did not want to be ignored. Andrew went first and he was ahead by 760 to 580 with that final ball left.
Close…. But, as I’ve discovered, being close in this game is often rather sub-optimal.
And PJ was ruthless, he took the opportunity to win the game by just twenty points. I needed a sit down.
The second game and another final shot. Phil knocked the black over and that meant that Vaughan won the game, putting us 2-0 up. But there was an excellent break by Phil of 980 in the match, a very good game. It was then my game against Dave (pictured looking confident on the right) and what could possibly go wrong…. PJ and Vaughan only made their league debuts last week and now they’re looking like established players, it’s a joy to behold and all that.
My only photo of the game and the blurriness was not Dave moving so fast the camera couldn’t catch him, it’s because I was moderately shaking. Anyway, let’s not linger here, Dave pulled 900 ahead and I decided the only tactic was to knock enough 10s and 20s in to catch up slowly but surely without him noticing. The bar dropped and it meant that I would need something of a miracle, but fortunately, the ball went in the 100 and I was able to get the final 200 shot in as well. My strategy for the 200 was not to think about it, but play it quickly, which worked. I hope that I haven’t dented Dave’s confidence for the final of the singles on Saturday.
I don’t drink gin and tonic, but I needed one, along with a Flump, to steady my nerves. It was, in its way, a balanced response to events really and having access to an extensive array of bar snacks is quite important to me.
Thanks to Julian (sr) for supplying these for the teams. And thanks also to manager Cal for offering me therapy as the close games piled up one after another. Incidentally, he’s one of the best people to work with behind a bar and I am unanimous in that. He’s on the team and is practising regularly for when his time comes. I’m sure I’ve mentioned, but Tayto’s have become one of my favourite crisp options.
Julian (sr) arrived to look at the results so far. Although by this stage someone, who shall remain nameless, had already shared the result of the Brewer-White match with numerous other league players and about half the Lionhearts so news was leaking out to the local bar billiards world meaning discretion had not especially survived the evening.
However, the Black Stars were just too formidable for us to hold back, and Mark, Neil and then Russell won their games before they also won all three doubles games which I thought was a bit greedy but I didn’t say anything. Which isn’t to say that we didn’t come very close, with Terri and Luke scoring over 1,000 in their game. Terri has definitely mastered the 20s shot and Luke manages to knock some huge scores out, he obtained a break of 870 in his singles match.
And special mention to Gabriel on the right here who was playing in his first league match and secured a break of 660 in his first game. That’s more than I think most people get in their first competitive game and he’s going to be our secret weapon, I just know it.
As some background, the Black Stars only lost two matches last year, with one of them being against the Artichoke team. So Dave admitted that when they were three-nil down, there was some déjà vu coming back in. But we’re not unhappy with losing 6-3, it’s a long season and, as I am obliged to say, it is not all about winning. It is about having a fun night out in a pub. Unless we win, in which case it is at least partly about that. I also didn’t go to the King’s Head after as I’m reserving that only for when we win, but I did sit for a while to calm down.
We’re at home to the Coach and Horses next week and I’m very much looking forward to it. It might be just a little unnerving at times, but it’s a lot of fun and thanks again to the Black Stars for a really rather lovely evening.
It’s a new season for Norwich bar billiards and time for the first league match for the Artichoke Hearts. Now I appear to be captain (which is either a mark of trust or a sign that standards have slipped, I’m fairly sure I know which it is), this meant that I had the honour of being involved with the draw for the evening. As I don’t get out much, this was all very exciting. The team we were playing was the Serengeti, who I used to play for, which added to the potential drama and I was inevitably going to be on my best behaviour. Many thanks to Roy, the Serengeti captain and one of the nicest people going, for all of this excitement.
And there’s the draw, six singles matches and three doubles. As the Serengeti had seven players, I randomly drew one to not play a singles game and that by chance was my friend Emma, but she was very calm about the matter. We only had five players and poor Terri found herself playing two singles games in a row and it was Luke that was drawn to play two doubles matches.
I thought I’d better have a beer to calm my nerves, this is the Best Laid Plans from Salopian Brewery, a fruity, fluffy and light beer.
It’s all happening now. Emma took charge in the role of being the official scribe which involved writing all the results up on the board, and she generally did this quite well. I think Emma sort of agreed that I was on my best behaviour throughout.
After four games, it was 2-2 and so this all felt quite stressful, so I went to get another beer. This is the Foamy Dome from Three Blind Mice Brewery, which had some orange punching through in terms of the flavour. There was then food and I managed to forget to photograph it, a slightly sub-optimal arrangement. Landlord Oscar marched across the room at this point and everyone was stunned into silence, we think he was trying to pick up some tactics for his team games.
Matters didn’t become less stressful for me, as we found ourselves 4-2 down with the three doubles matches still to play. Luke and Vaughan won their match, then Terri and I won in a very close game against Emma and Roy. That meant it was 4-4 with one game left and not only was it tense, it went down to the final ball. There’s Luke taking his shot and, to cut a long story short, it was all enough and we found ourselves 5-4 up. I pretended that it was all just a game and it didn’t matter, but I was already planning my next beer as I needed a celebration.
And here’s my reward for our team’s performance, a pint of Creme Bearlee and I must have been very stressed as I’ve realised that I didn’t put this on Untappd. And poor Vaughan and PJ in their first league game, I’m pleased that they seemed to enjoy it enough to come back again and not be put off.
The final result, 5-4 to the Artichoke Hearts. Anyway, the Serengeti are a fine team, the games were very close and they were unlucky not to come out ahead. But, that’s enough praise, we all had a lovely time and at least I know we won’t end the season on zero points. And I had an excuse to pop to the Weaver’s and the King’s Head afterwards to settle my nerves. The main thing is though there’s lots of great people involved, it’s a fun thing to do and if anyone is interested in coming along to watch, please do! The next match is at home to the Black Stars next week and they are known to be pretty formidable. I’m wondering if we could have a strategy of overdosing them on bar snacks, that might be our best plan here.
It was the last friendly game before the league games start, so I thought I’d steady my nerves with a non-alcoholic Guinness.
I was suitably excited about this, it’s the first time that I’ve had to fill this in. And all without my very capable vice-captain Luke to assist, so what could possibly go wrong.
It’s unusual for the balls to be placed like that, one tucked between the two pins, one right in front of the pin, one near the break-off shot and the other near the baulk.
The final shot of the match (as the doubles games got rearranged), Gabriel fired the ball into the pocket like a true professional. It’s far to say that he was surprised and delighted, with the video being widely shared across Norwich as we speak….
In a move that serves as a definitive warning against leaving the room during a committee meeting, I have somehow managed to get myself appointed as the captain of the Artichoke Hearts bar billiards team. I am still not entirely sure how the transition from “vaguely reliable middle-order player” to “fearless leader” occurred, but yet here we are.
It is quite a step for someone who honestly thought they had successfully navigated their way into a quiet retirement from the competitive green baize of bar billiards, indeed, I’ve written about that before. But it seems that the league has a way of pulling you back in just when you think you have escaped the pressure of a tricky final shot.
The fixtures have just landed with some promptness and the grace of a lead balloon, and they have not exactly eased me into the role. Our opening gambit is against one of the absolute titans of the division, the Black Stars, and, to add a layer of personal drama to the proceedings, our subsequent match is against the quite wonderful Serengeti led by Roy, who is perhaps the most gentlemanly person I’ve ever met. Having spent a couple of seasons playing for them, I now find myself in the awkward position of trying to outmanoeuvre my old teammates while pretending I don’t know all their tactical weaknesses. Although they know my many weaknesses, so all of this might not be useful.
Despite my own questionable leadership credentials, the Artichoke Hearts are actually really quite good by all accounts. I won’t go overboard here as we’re likely to come last in the league, so no point being overly optimistic. There is a genuine sense of fun that (generally) permeates this league, which is probably why I couldn’t stay away. The social side is of course inevitably compelling, especially with the news that the Red Lion in Coltishall has joined the league this year and we’re playing there in May. I am genuinely excited about the prospect of heading out there, but I don’t get out much.
Home games at the Artichoke are fairly straightforward affairs involving decent beer and a steady supply of Tayto crisps, which remain the undisputed king of the bar snack hierarchy I’ve recently decided, although I can be fickle with these things. It is going to be a long, unpredictable season, but at least the crisps and beer are likely to be good. What could possibly go wrong?
This is the final bar billiards table in the Norwich league that I haven’t played on, with the exception of the table out in South Walsham. It’s the table at the Rose and since Zak was planning to practice and Nick had a game from the singles competition at the pub, this felt the ideal time to try it.
Before Nick’s match, we had time for one game, and it transpired that neither of us had ever played at the table. He won, but not by many.
I did have a couple of victories in the evening and here’s Nick after beating his opponent 3-0. He now gets to play Oscar, who annoyingly beat me a few days ago…. Sub-optimal, I could have beaten Nick and I might have mentioned that to him 🙂
This was the second singles tournament game I’ve refereed in a week, I’m hoping that some of the talent will come to me via some form of osmosis.
Anyway, back to the table, it’s a robust arrangement and it’s quite fast off the back cushion. The pockets aren’t very forgiving, it requires some accuracy to get them in. It feels like a relatively low scoring table, I think it’s hard to build big breaks, but it’s nicely looked after. It’s the only table that’s £1 a play in the league, although I suspect the others will catch up at some point.
And, the Rose is a really lovely pub, a suitable range of cask and keg beers, friendly staff and it was also good to see my friend Emma over there, now back brewing Boudicca again.
I might be out of this year’s competition, but I felt the need to go and watch Zak play at the Cottage yesterday. And, it was against Mick, which knocked me out of last year’s tournament, but I no longer hold a grudge about that…..
After some masterful refereeing from me, which was mainly because that was the only person that was getting a seat, Zak managed to win 2-1 in a very close game. It was also a lot busier than this photo suggests, there was quite a crowd towards the end.
And, to no doubt entirely surprise and delight everyone, Pete has suggested some “Table Treks on Tour” expeditions around the country. And, this time, with more snack content because I feel that’s what the series was crying out for.
Incidentally, the refereeing was top notch. And thanks to Zak for driving me to the White Lion afterwards where I managed some more of my unique refereeing where I could be ruder without the confines of it being a proper tournament game.
